Larri's Journal

Sunday, September 22, 2002

4:51AM - 5 O'clock Walk

I awake! Nature calling me from sleep
Engaging my lock, I start up the plank
a Knock! my stomach shivers
but just tobaccoless drunks
shattering their friend's REM

Vulgar trash, filth that is beyond Mobil
Just the fingers of rubber gloves
flattened and exasperated in the floor
both mirrors enforce seven years bad luck,
my nose shrivels needing to be hung out to dry
too much alcohol, not enough stomach.

Nature can be heard screaming
from the porcelain I left my dream to hydrate
Its black eye recognizes my familiar white t-shirt
as it accepts the Sunday morning business
a day of rest it does not have.

The soap dispenser falls victim
to weekend vandals
yet again germs set free to scour
my hot-water-only washed naked
hands in need of home

Like a Catholic whose priest left in handcuffs
I feel relieved but profoundly disturbed
...

Current mood:

sleepy

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Thursday, September 12, 2002

7:17AM - awake

I rest my tired ear on her right shoulder blade
my jean covered legs curl up on the back of her legs
stretched out and nestled into her low cut jeans.
Lovingly my fingers continue to caress the left side of
her white shirted back and my right hand touches the back
of her left hand whos arm is holding up her distracted head.
I wish to be held by her giggle, caressed by her smile, and
touched by her elegance, her silk, and her sunshine expelling fingertips. My wishing lips drop to her cotton covered back and rest in some hopeful gesture of peace and well-being.
the next step?
Hopefully, but for I rest simply feeling her breath, knowing her beat, adding to her heat I want her to become used to my presense on a windy September night I wait...against her back.

Current mood: awake

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Wednesday, May 1, 2002

1:46PM - On Being Happy ALL The Time

The is something profoundly ignorant and fake about being happy and unconcerned all the time. Expressing care and love about anything worthwhile ensures that you will be unhappy, worried, and generally upset some of the time. Yes, life is a gift and we should cherish every moment on Earth. However, being happy only cherishes and relishes in the happy side of life. I find that the sad and painful parts of life hold in them something very unique and very beautiful. Suffering and pain has been no stranger to my life and I am thankful for that in the same way that I am thankful for laughter and friends. Each are beautiful and each are life. Experience life by caring and being sad (not grumpy, grumpy is a cheap emotion), for without sadness their would be no happy!

Current mood:

contemplative

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Monday, April 29, 2002

5:23PM - Sadness

Anger is a wimpy emotion! Anyone can get angry and pissed off at something they only remotely know or care about. Sadness, however, is a true emotion and no human feels sadness without significant emotional investment. When was the last time you were truly sad? Was it when your favorite pro sports team lost the game or your boss decided to give someone else the raise instead of you? No you were angry not sad! Sad only comes when the course of human lives are at stake in a significant way. Sad is watching your father lose his bout with alcoholism, sad is saying good-bye to someone you love, and sad is when you've read so much about the men and women involved in the Vietnam War that you can feel a one-milionth of the pain that they feel. I am saddened by war.

Current mood:

sad

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Thursday, April 25, 2002

9:04PM - Brain Pain

Nine more days of being in a classroom and listening to my teacher talk amongst the timed sighs of my weekend focused peers. Then no formal schooling for over a year. I haven't gone that long without schooling since before pre-school, I wonder what it's going to feel like. No one to talk with about books and no one to read my words...thoughts...connections. Notice for a bit how self-involved education is and that the things I am going to miss are self-serving and luxurious. Helping, teaching, and serving people next year is going to be an incredible experience. Taking the focus and pressures in my life off of me and putting them (where they belong) on other people will be a liberating and happy experience. Worrying about myself is pointless and stress inducing, worrying about others is special and decidedly rare in our world today. Bye Bye Siena and its thoughts, drunks, blow hard administrators, and conservative student population. Time for me to visit the inner city and the people who truly have stress and problems in their lives.

Current mood:

drained

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Tuesday, April 23, 2002

5:59AM - 1 minut before 6

Why am I up early for the second day in a row? Who knows? Last night my roommate pulled an all-nighter and I slept through his typing and lights quite well. He is sleeping now and the room echoes with my typing and is lit up by my lights. Our schedules are just as opposite as us, the only thing we have in common is NFL football except now I don't like the NFL that much anymore but I recall the knowledge I still have from when I did so we have some form of friendly chit chat. He rustles...Oh well he shouldn't have waited until the last minute. 1 minute before the deadline...1 minute before 6

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Monday, April 22, 2002

5:23AM - Pre-dawn schoolwork on a cold April morning

I have never in my life gone a whole year without schooling. Next year this will change a high school diploma and 64 credits in college are enough, I've had it. Ever read "Goblin Market" by Christina Rossetti? What do you think she is writing about? Do you call dreamers mendacious? I am a dreamer and dream of a place without green and gold and alcohol everywhere. will I ever find what I am looking for when I don't know what I am looking for. Are there other ways to get a degree. What was I dreaming about that I interrupted to do schoolwork on a cold April morning before the sun creeps into the valley?

Current mood: awake

Current music: The hum of my computer

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